Why Do You Overthink So Much? Just Stop Thinking!
We’ve all heard it before — “Why do you overthink so much? Just stop thinking!” It’s a phrase that’s often said with good intentions but carries a heavy dose of misunderstanding. For anyone who’s ever struggled with mental health, this kind of comment can feel dismissive, minimizing the very real challenges they face. But how do we respond when someone brushes off our mental struggles with a simplistic solution?
As a psychiatrist and psychotherapist, I’ve seen firsthand how stigma around mental health can create barriers to understanding and support. To tackle this issue, we need to break down what’s really happening when someone says, “Just stop thinking,” and offer a response that both educates and encourages empathy.
The Complexity of Overthinking: It’s Not Just About “Stopping”
First, let’s get one thing clear — overthinking isn’t something people choose to do. It’s not as simple as flipping a switch in your brain. Overthinking, or rumination as it’s called in psychological terms, often stems from deeper cognitive patterns that are difficult to control.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), one of the most widely used therapeutic approaches, helps us understand that our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are interconnected. When someone is caught in a cycle of overthinking, they’re often trapped in a loop of negative thoughts that reinforce one another. Telling someone to “just stop thinking” is like telling someone with a broken leg to “just start walking.” It oversimplifies a complex process.
A Psychological Perspective: The Role of Anxiety and Depression
Overthinking is frequently linked to anxiety and depression. People with anxiety often ruminate on potential threats or mistakes, while those with depression might dwell on feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness. These aren’t just fleeting thoughts — they can be deeply ingrained patterns that are hard to break without the right support.
One study by Nolen-Hoeksema (2000) found that rumination can exacerbate and prolong depressive episodes. It’s a bit like being stuck in quicksand — the more you struggle, the deeper you sink. This is why simply “stopping” isn’t an option for many people; the thoughts are rooted in underlying psychological conditions that require treatment, not just willpower.
One patient, Priya, struggled with obsessive thoughts about her health. No matter how many times she told herself she was fine, her mind would spiral into worst-case scenarios. It wasn’t until we worked together on developing coping strategies, like mindfulness and CBT, that she began to gain some control over her thoughts. Priya’s journey taught me that mental health struggles are real, complex, and deserving of compassion.
Responding with Empathy: Educating and Encouraging Understanding
When someone dismisses your mental health struggles with a comment like “Just stop thinking,” it’s important to approach the situation with empathy and patience. Here’s how you might respond:
“I know it might seem like I’m just overthinking, but it’s actually a bit more complicated than that. Overthinking can be a symptom of anxiety or depression, and it’s something I’m working on with my therapist. It’s not as simple as just deciding to stop. But I appreciate your concern, and I’d love to talk more about how you can support me.”
This kind of response does a few things. First, it acknowledges the other person’s intent to help, which can prevent them from becoming defensive. It also gently educates them about the reality of mental health struggles, encouraging them to see things from your perspective.
The Impact of Stigma: Why It’s Harmful and How to Combat It
Stigma around mental health is a pervasive issue that can prevent people from seeking the help they need. According to a study by Corrigan et al. (2000), stigma can lead to a cycle of shame, isolation, and avoidance of treatment. When people feel judged or misunderstood, they’re less likely to open up about their struggles, which can exacerbate their condition.
In my practice, I’ve seen how stigma can affect not just individuals, but entire families and communities. For example, I once worked with a young man named Raj, who struggled with severe anxiety. His family, who didn’t understand mental health issues, would often tell him to “just relax” or “stop worrying.” This made Raj feel even more isolated, as if his struggles weren’t valid. It wasn’t until we involved his family in his treatment, educating them about anxiety and its effects, that they began to offer the kind of support Raj needed.
The Science of Empathy: Understanding Each Other Better
One of the most powerful tools we have to combat stigma is empathy. Empathy allows us to step into someone else’s shoes, to see the world from their perspective. Research by Decety and Jackson (2006) highlights that empathy involves both cognitive and emotional components — understanding another person’s experience and feeling something of what they feel.
When we respond to stigma with empathy, we not only help ourselves but also pave the way for greater understanding in our relationships and communities. For example, if someone says, “Just stop thinking,” you might respond with, “I understand where you’re coming from, but overthinking is something I’m trying to manage with the help of my therapist. It’s a bit more complex than just stopping.”
This approach can help the other person see that mental health issues are not a choice, and that they involve complex psychological processes that require professional support.
Moving Forward: How We Can Change the Conversation
So, how can we start to change the conversation around mental health? It begins with education — helping people understand that mental health is just as important as physical health, and that it’s okay to seek help when you need it. It also involves challenging our own assumptions and biases about mental health, and being open to learning from others’ experiences.
The next time someone dismisses your mental health struggles, take it as an opportunity to educate them. Share your experiences, explain the science, and encourage them to see things from your perspective. By doing so, you’re not just advocating for yourself — you’re also helping to break down the stigma that surrounds mental health.
Conclusion: A Call for Compassion
Mental health struggles are real, complex, and deserving of compassion. If you or someone you know is struggling with overthinking or other mental health issues, please remember that you’re not alone. Seek support, educate others, and be patient with yourself. Together, we can create a world where mental health is understood, respected, and supported.
Disclaimer: This blog is intended for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health issues, please seek professional help.
Dr. Rameez Shaikh, MD
Psychiatrist & Psychotherapist
References:
- Corrigan, P. W., Watson, A. C., & Barr, L. (2000). The self-stigma of mental illness: Implications for self-esteem and self-efficacy. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 19(6), 519–530. https://doi.org/10.1521/jscp.2000.19.6.519
- Decety, J., & Jackson, P. L. (2006). A social-neuroscience perspective on empathy. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 15(2), 54–58. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.0963-7214.2006.00406.x
- Nolen-Hoeksema, S. (2000). The role of rumination in depressive disorders and mixed anxiety/depressive symptoms. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 109(3), 504–511. https://doi.org/10.1037/0021-843X.109.3.504
